The Parenting Simulator

Randomly select your child's gender.

Give a name to your newborn baby. No pressure, right?

Come upon a name from another time, another place.

You managed to prevent your baby from getting sick during their first year.

Establish a connection with another parent.

Win the WeViewer's Choice Contest.

Achieve full potty-trained status as soon as possible.

Allow your little one to go as long as possible without mastering the toilet.

Help someone else's baby get a full, uninterrupted nap.

Don't let your sister go away angry in Year 4.

Insure that your child survives the first day of school.

Spare no expense when it comes to the seventh birthday party.

Have a plan backfire in the best way possible.

Take a hard line on going under the water in Year 7.

Make a less long-term commitment when shopping for potential pets.

The more the merrier, right?

Sacrifice the moral high ground to boost your child's chances in Year 9.

Be active against activities!

Manage to complete the best possible diorama without your child's assistance in Year 10.

Take a hard swerve to avoid turning onto Memory Lane in Year 11.

Enter the danger zone.

Resolve an awkward sister situation by calling in an unlikely conflict resolution assistant in Year 12.

Help your child pass a major audition.

Extract a heavy toll to perform a household task.

Exploit your child's laziness for maximum profit.

Locate something very valuable that has been misplaced.

Claw your way up to an executive position at work.

Remain a low-level employee as long as possible.

Convince your teenager that you're actually worth spending time with in Year 15.

Suspend your offspring's license before it's even issued.

Don't let a minor vehicle issue pump the brakes on the quest for a driver's license.

Help your child get top marks on a standardized test.

Receive an upgraded version of a previous gift.

Make a high-stakes gamble on your pet's life…and win.

Go to the hospital the maximum number of times in the story.

Watch your child graduate high school.

Watch your child graduate at the top of the class.

Your sister came to the graduation party.

Your longtime friend came to the graduation party.

Your child's biological relative came to the graduation party.

Pay for college tuition or trade school completely out of your own pocket.

Fill the box with everything possible during the epilogue.

Watch your child go pro in their sport of choice.

Experience the odd sensation of being the parent of someone with an IMDb page.

Have a child who becomes a true professional in their activity of choice.

See your offspring end up with a slightly more normal job than actor, athlete, or artist.

Travel far in order to watch your not-so-little one accept a major award.

Raise a child who still voluntarily spends a good deal of time with you when all is said and done.

Complete a playthrough of The Parenting Simulator.

Finish The Parenting Simulator with at least one stat at exactly 50%.